Besame Mucho

Friday

Bang bang.

Gabriel came by this week to pick up his jacket. It turns out it was at my place after all, stuck under a couch cushion. He picked it up and walked to the door and then he stopped. He turned to me and started to say something and stopped again. Clearly he had something on his mind but couldn't get it out.

I invited him to stay a while and have some coffee. He sat at my kitchen table and toyed with the salt and pepper shakers on top of it while I got us each a cup. Twirled them between his two hands faster and faster so it looked like they were chasing each other.

I handed him a cup. "Thanks." He breathed in the dark coffee aroma and closed his eyes. Sighed a little. "So Bliss." A pause.

"Yes?"

"I'm leaving soon."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know yet."

"You don't know yet."

"No."

Another long pause and I wondered what he was getting at. I mean I get the whole tortured soul bit but really, what did I have to do with anything?

"I want you to know something," he started, looking right at me for a change. "I will miss you." I scoffed at that because the man hadn't been around much lately and there were plenty of ladies for him to miss. "No really. I will."

I didn't say anything, just sipped at my coffee and stared him down.

"Bliss, I was wondering if you'd like to come with me." I nearly choked on my coffee at that one. Then I started laughing because really, the idea of going anywhere with him had become absurd. What would I do while he was picking up someone else? Gee, it sounded fun, but no thanks. I think he figured out what I was thinking because he set his coffee down and took both my hands. "No really, Bliss. Just you and me. Nobody else." His thumb traced patterns into my palm. It was soothing and unnerving at once. Realistic Bliss knows better than to answer this, but Hopelessly Romantic Bliss cannot resist this man's charms.

To compromise I got up, forcing him to let go, and paced a little. "I can't say that I understand where this is coming from, Gabriel, because really now, who are we kidding here? I mean you are loads of fun... when you're around. But I cannot rely on you for anything. We've known each other for almost a year and I can't say that I could tell you much about yourself. When we get together it's usually for one thing and even that is hardly ever. So what are you doing here, Gabriel? Why are you sitting in my kitchen and asking me to come away with you? Is it loneliness? Lack of funds? Am I the last stop before a long line of others? Please, tell me. I really want to comprehend this."

I confess I sounded a lot more shrewish than I had intended, and he sighed a long sigh. He then went into this yarn about how he pushes people away if he cares about them and I said that was just fine but did he not understand that along the way he is hurting said people? Of course he did, but he could not change his nature. I said that was nice but I could not change mine either, and while good God he was sexy and wonderful and drove me crazy, I could not just up and leave with someone I didn't know if I could fully trust.

He stood up then and walked right up to me and kissed me. It was nice really but something in it tasted like goodbye, to me at least. "Can I at least call you when I get back? I'd like to stop by and maybe... talk a while."

I nodded my assent and he headed for the door. Ran right into Raymond, who blinked in surprise. "Sorry, Bliss, if I'm interrupting something I can call back later..."

"No. Stay. Please."

And Gabriel gave me a look, then Raymond. "Is this the reason you said no?" I stared at him and dared not give him the satisfaction of an answer in either direction. He shrugged, laughed a little and walked out the door.

Bang bang.

Ray gave me a questioning glance and I shook my head, indicating I really didn't want to talk about it. Then in walked James saying "Bliss, did you and that bloke get in a spat again? He was looking pretty upset about- ho ho, hello Raymond!" And James started to laugh and laugh, and I couldn't get out of him why but somehow he found the whole Raymond/Gabriel thing the funniest thing on earth.

James confessed later, after Ray left, that he had let Ray into the building having seen Gabriel's car in the parking lot and wanting to see what would happen. He was rather disappointed to see that there was no tension between Ray and I with regards to Gabriel. I told him if he wanted drama to start watching soaps since he was home all day anyway. I cannot wait until he finds a new apartment, he's really beginning to drive me up the wall. But I cannot just kick him out; he is my brother after all.

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Butterflies fluttered at 10/22/2004 10:18:00 AM
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